Let’s be clear: Melania Trump is DEFINITELY NOT a mail-order bride.

They met when she was working as an associate at a law firm that specialized in marketing and intellectual property in 1989. He was a summer intern and she was his adviser. They fell in love and the rest is history.

No, wait–that’s how Barack met Michelle.

She was a librarian who blew a stop sign and killed a young classmate in rural Texas.

No, that’s George W. and his wife. (She’ll never be an Uber driver.)

The love story of Donald and Melania is just as endearing as any Emmanuelle movie. But first, on an unrelated note, let me say a word about Slovenian Brides, according to the mail-order bride site rosebrides.com.

“Do you like women that are both beautiful and graceful? Do you want a Slovenian mail order bride who is both athletic and feminine? Slovenian brides are known for their grace, beauty, and powerful personalities. They come from a country that loves to compete athletically, and the Slovenian Brides that we have at Rose Brides are in great shape. If you want a Slovenian Bride that you can show off, you will find her with us. A beautiful facade is not the only thing that Slovenian women have to offer. Brides from Slovenia will definitely have a strong sense of family and keep the traditional values in which marriage, religion, and love ones are  most important to them. You can have one of our Slovenian Brides who will always take care of herself and look good for you.”

Melania Trump was NOT and IS NOT a victim of the global sex trade, which is just human trafficking masquerading  in the form of the mail-order bride industry.

A man who runs beauty pageants would NOT be the kind of guy to trade in his aging wife every 20 years for a newer model. Donald Trump does not “grab them by the pussy.” Except the times that he does and has.

What time do the purges and show trials begin?

There’s NO WAY the new first lady is a former mail-order bride and even if she WERE, that would say nothing about how the new president thinks of women.

A man is like an estate, a grand old house that gains in value as the ivy grows over it.

A woman is like an automobile. Smells great when it’s new, but as soon as she’s driven off the lot, she loses half of her value. After a while you stop giving a shit and start to look around for a newer model. You trade her in on a new car but you know that it won’t be the last new car you own.

Trump does not think like this. I am SURE of it.

The man has no Asian fetish an had never been on a sex tourism trip to Thailand. He’s not that kind of guy. And even if he were, that’s just locker room talk. A woman is only a talking pussy, and you can’t roll the odometer back on a talking pussy.

God save us all.

 

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