I am trying to change my life though I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do it. My worst fear is probably that I will wake up one morning, or afternoon knowing me, and I’ll be 65 years old and won’t have finished anything or really worked on anything or really done anything and I’ll cry for all the days and months and years I’ve wasted. I think I’ve lived that life before and the biggest fear is that the thought will be haunted by deja vu. I want to make good choices. I want to succeed art something again. I am a morally weak man. Boy plus 22 years really. Is there a name for what I’ve become? I am scared. Nothing but scared. I wish I could turn to God to ask for help.

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