Terrified. Sad. Lonely. I see why I try to numb myself with drugs. Slept two hours in the last two days. It’s raining and cool out. Should I get up and make coffee and sit around and wait or go to the pharmacy for something to knock me out? Lying in bed under a sheet attached to a floor fan, like a wind tunnel. Listening to old radio programs from the 1950s. Fiending for anything. Do what thou whilst is now Do what you must.