This is tap water, southern Mexico style. No, this isn’t the disgusting before picture, this is AFTER boiling and filtering twice with paper coffee filters and then with a clean shirt. The sediment is so finely dissolved in the water I can’t remove any more if it without electricity. It tastes just about how you’d imagine. I’m looking at another 16 days of nothing but this down my throat if I’m not brave enough to step in front of a speeding bus. The tap water is the least of my problems really but it serves as a kind of representative whole to describe the state I am currently living through. There are no water fountains here. Nothing free. I have five pesos, ten Guatemalan quetzals and a nickel. If I don’t have the guts to jump in the path of a speeding vehicle I’m not sure that a public hospital would even bother to help me. The country sure as hell won’t pay to deport me. My fear is that I’ll end up in a Mexican prison for some bullshit I won’t have the money to bribe my way out of. I’m certain it’s easy enough to get yourself killed in a Mexican prison but I was hoping to go out with at least a small bit of dignity. Earlier, as I was spreading year old dog food from a can in my refrigerator onto a tortilla, the thought that I may not have an ounce of dignity left. It’s certainly possible. Instead of just doing it, offing myself, I’m sitting here on the internet talking about it. Is this something that interests people? Do people want to see a clip of somebody slicing out one of their eyes with a kitchen knife? I was hoping that I’d have more guts than to turn my last little bit of time left into a fucking spectacle.