I wake up every few hours, usually from a dream where I’m eating. Very similar to my days as an addict where I’d have very similar, very detailed dreams of scoring. Most of the physical pains have gone away though depending on how much water I’ve taken, it varies. I’m living off the tap water here in the southwestern part of Mexico, just a bit away from Guatemala and Central America, so I’m sweating a lot but that’s normal this time of year. I don’t own a scale nor do I care how much weight I’ve presumably lost after three days. To make the water potable, I have to scrub the chemical residue from the pot with steel wool (I like to pretend it’s only calcium or lime) and then let the water boil for five minutes. Those little one-celled bastards are tiny and it onlu takes ten of them hiding just out of steam range to infect you. That said, if you’re desperate to lose weight, come visit. Some of the critters here not only make you vomit 20 times a day, give you unfathomable diarrhea, but also prevent the fat from being properly digested. I’m sure even those with the weakest will power can lose half their mass in a matter of a month or two. After allowing the water to cool, I filter it three times, once with a kind of coffee filter that feels like silk and the other times with paper filters. Still, there’s sediment in the water, hopefully harmless-ish. Then I freeze the bottle until it’s solid then take out and wish I had something to eat. But that feeling passes. Eventually. I’ve heard, anyhow. I don’t even know what I’d do if a pizza found its way in front of me. Today is Sunday (I know because of the calls to mass) the 13th I think. Which means only 18 days more. I hope. I’m also going without my anti-depressant for the first time in 22 years or so. People not taking them who believe they her help you feel happy have watched too many Scientology documentaries. So far, I only notice the difference at times, the difference being I truly and deeply don’t want to exist any longer. Every thought hurts. I feel more human without them but feeling human isn’t necessarily a good thing especially when you’re around other humans. I won’t pontificate on that aspect too much but I do feel thr hardest part of not eating are the timed you would normally spend eating. Maybe it’s made me a bit more cynical? I don’t know, but I do know that everyoneis out to take everyone else’s happiness. Only joking.
Update: La vecina de mi, argh. .. My neighbor just promised me today is actually the 14th. Who knew? Time flies. Maybe every day just feels like the 13th when you’re fasting?